Days to Forget...=,(

New Year came and it was a really great blast for me. It was a year I thought I’d be best of. It was a year wherein happy memories should be remembered. As I looked at it, everyday has been on its place, same routine, same smiles, and sometimes more smiles than usual and same bonding. But, as February came, every expectation that I had in mind, suddenly change, little by little; I don’t know how it started, or maybe I know. I just don’t want to admit it, but it actually happened. And I can’t do anything for it to stop.

February 19, 2009 at around 5:30pm was the beginning of my detrimental days. It was the day where I’ve got the worst of the worst. Why? Because I just got lost my cell phone, my usb, my ccard, my u.n.o pass card, my money and some of my professor’s’ receipts at the library. I was actually preparing for a quiz that day which I thought, will happen the next day.Honestly, I only noticed that my cell phone was lost; when I plan to text my mom, to tell her that I will gone home late, because I’ve a meeting to attend to, and when I am looking for it. It was totally and undeniably not there. I cried of course, for the reason that. I’m cool of losing everything inside it, but losing my usb that was a gift of my best brother ever on my debut, as well as my cell phone which I bought to him was off to be grieve at. It was a treasure that I took good care for a year and then in just a clicked it vanished like a bubbles in the wind. It was one of my prized possessions since then though.

February 20, 2009 I thought I had moved on to what had happened to me a day before this day. But I learned that it’s’ not as easy as I think it is. Of course, day and night, I get the best sermon that I should get from my parents. Every word awakens me, from thinking my lost and not found things. I come to school with a little brevity in my face, but before the day ends, another worst thing happened. I got dizzy, for the fact that, I only ate my lunch; without a snack time after and a dinner. I concealed everything with a happy face, so I can use my energy for good, like being a sort-of-a-tour-guide of students from BJHS (if I’m not mistaken) around the campus. Of course, I had done a great job. Nevertheless, after an immense work, all the pretensions, that I can still do all my work done; also lasted. My dizziness worsens, till I should be stuck at the clinic for almost one hour.I tried to sleep but I feel pain somewhere in my head that akin to a bird destroying a wood using its’ beak. Being a prodigal being, I got out of the room and after vomiting, didn’t return back. Evidently, I go home for a full amount of rest.

“He who does not weep does not see.” Les miserables the miserable one

February 21, 2009was the day, where I feel again the things that I felt during last years’ unexpected exhibit. The peculiar feeling of jealousy and enviousness; I tried to hide it to the people close to me, so they will not get worried on my peculiar feeling. And it actually works. My happy face made them believed that I’m okay, despite the fact that I’m not. As the day started, I thought same things will happen, them, talking to me with delight, but there was a strange thing. They are all busy with their own thing that made me feel so sad. So what I did, I go to the DSA office and stay there for a while. Then, they didn’t still notice me like before. Having that ambiance makes me sober, and made me think unwanted things. I stayed up at the High School Stairs reminiscing things with the same situations, and after a while, I cried. Viewing, why are these things happening? So going back to where I’d gone, still nobody notice that somethings’ wrong. They invited me to have lunch which gives me a grin knowing I was remembered. As we were at the cafeteria, I still feel the tension, the quiet atmosphere. Gladly, my best brother’s’ mother came and asked me of what had happened to me last time (when I lost my cell phone). She gave me an idea of where to go, so I could keep everything inside of me. So while my friends were at the catwalk of the stage, I reasoned that I will just go at the DSA Office to get my bag then I’ll come back after, it is partly true, but I didn’t go there, for a reason. Instead, I did go at my brother’s’ mom’s’ office and stay there for an hour, for me to be relieved. I was expecting that. I, being gone at their side will be a signal for them to look for me, but they didn’t. ‘A’ does txt me, yes, got a grin again. But my point was; ‘A’ is not my closest friend. She is my friend but closest will be soon to follow. Then, she’s the one who looks for me. It’s not like before. That every time I wasn’t there, they will look for me and text me of where am I. Going back at the CSC office, Nobody still notice me, not until I say hi to them, and borrowed a charger. They let me borrow it for a minute though. I had gone to the stage then, because finally I had been noticed. But being there, I still feel different things, so I decided to ran out again, ‘KRR’ arrives though and he was just the only one who ask me of where am I going, and as they tease me, that they will hand me the grasshopper, he’s the only one who asks me to stay with them. ‘AJ’ asked me to join them at their house, I hug her tight as I see her and I said to her that “I will miss her.” Expecting her, to ask me why I’m like that? ‘KS’ came and partially removed pessimistic thoughts in my mind. There, at the cafeteria, I sat down at one of the chairs, asking my companions to sit beside me, but it seems that, they didn’t hear me. So, I just remain quiet still. Therefore, when all of us finally gathered at the table, I just borrowed a PSP and a headphones to my Kuya. Then, I made a joke that I didn’t know how to use the headphones, so they will notice me. In that case, they had help me; as they were talking, I’m just there quiet as I could be, concentrating on playing at ‘KS’s’ PSP. ‘M’, my pink sister, was then asked by ‘KS’ to withdraw the checked so that after they had eaten their food, he can get ‘M’s’ money for U.N.O. So my sister left at the cafeteria, asked me if I will join them, but I did refused; As I called one of ‘KS’s’ friend Ate, who is just a freshmen. He said that, “why are you calling her that? you’re older than her.” I just said “you said I’m the BUNSO.” At that moment, he said “No, you’re not a BUNSO. for us powerhouse, YES you are but…”. After he had said that, all my grief that has been kept for almost a day began to explode, I cried a lot. Knowing I’m not the BUNSO anymore. ‘M’ came back and asked why I am crying, then again, upon telling the reason, I cried again, from it, I think ‘M’ noticed that somethings’ bothering me. She said “I know, something bothers you, I’ll talk to you when you are okay.”

==== Yes, true of a fact ‘M’ was right; all the changes happened during the day bothers me a lot. Okay, I admit I lack attention, so when I get it, I treasured it to the fullest. I really feel so important whenever they give me such. It might be selfish, as you look at it, but for me, It’s’ not. I just want to have one. Moreover, getting one is a really a Big Deal for me. You know my story. They say; I’m emotional and sensitive. And sometimes my doings are misunderstood. Some people might think that, I just do these kinds of eerie things for me to get noticed by them. Not really, as I say. I’m a bubbly person; you can ask anyone who knew me. I’m a brat: I easily get jealous and insecure. But little by little I changed my brat like attitude coz it’s not good. I live by people who come in and out of my life. I sometimes wear a happy mask, so they will be okay too. Sadly, knowing you’re okay, no one might say to you “you’re not okay, I know you, and I can see it in your eyes, you can’t fool me by such a grinning mask.” I miss you guys a lot, I miss

everything that we usually do;

I miss the care that you always

showed me.

What happened to that?

I MISS YOU BIG====

These things remind me of the death of ‘Q’ in One Tree Hill, The voice over said there:

“Quentin Fields was a basketball player. He was also a son. A brother. Somebody’s teammate. And somebody’s friend. I never knew Quentin Fields. And I guess I never will.

GRIEF is like the ocean, it’s deep, and dark and bigger than all of us. And PAIN is like a thief in the night. Quiet. Persistent. Unfair. Diminished by time, and faith and love. I didn’t know Quentin Fields. BUT I’M JEALOUS OF HIM, BECAUSE, I SEE HOW HIS ABSENCE HAS AFFECTED THE PEOPLE WHO DID KNOW HIM. SO I KNOW HE MATTERED TO THEM. AND I KNOW HE WAS LOVED.”

Siblings By Nature....

From the day they had graduated, I never thought that I could find friends again, for the reason that there’s nobody left in our organization and I didn’t even know someone who is still in that field. Not until I met those five people (Monique, Ate joy, Jorelle, Rem-rem and Ate Karen), whom I feel at ease with, I know they can catch up with my weirdness and childlike attitude. Seeing them for the first time alarmed me, “this is the answer to what my kuya had told me during my debut.” Meeting them is like meeting the powerhouse. It is very unexpected. Honestly, I never thought that we will be as close as what we are today. And I’m thankful that we clicked.

It is funny whenever I think of them. They were very young and I’m like their younger sister! Maybe you are thinking right now, how it happened and if it is possible? It’s true that you can really learn from the youngsters. 17 years of my life, I’m just a home-school-home kind of girl. I never experienced discovering things. Yet, today, that I’m 18 years old, they helped me discover things, things that I never thought I could discover and could have tried. Honestly, from the day it all started (the discovering thing), I almost initiate hanging out with them, whenever I wanted to. As day passed by, all the stories up my sleeves has been shared to them. I’m their little princess. And I’m really happy and thankful that they treat me that way. I always dream of having siblings who can take good care of me as a princess. Meeting them makes me feel blessed, knowing my dreams start to finally happen. Though we are not brothers and sisters by blood, I always make it a point that in my heart and in my mind they are my brothers and sisters. With them, I feel safe and loved. I belong again, as I say! It is the same story as the powerhouse, but now that we part ways, those five people fill-in my sadness and loneliness. Now, I’m afraid of losing them too, I’m afraid that all these things will come to an end, and most of all I’m afraid of being alone again! I honestly don’t want people I cherish so much to leave me again.

It’s hard being alone, especially when you’re used of having someone who ruined your normal day with their abnormality. All my happy memories have been shared with them. I really hope that all these things will be treasured always and forever. Everyday I’m so excited to go to school, for me to see them at the Council Office. Then, from there, we will make fun of others’ secretly, we don’t want to be in trouble of course. Monikers’ started to burst out like Memo, BNB, Boss, Yahoo and so on. We can also come up to a new segue, for the reason that people tend to commit errors and do telepathic communication. I guess we are well-trained by my kuya who can criticize every single error that he could find. Lastly, Invented hand signals are practiced by many. All these things I learned will surely be learned by the next people who will meet people like them, and everything that they will learn from each other will inspire them to live life to the fullest. As they inspire me. It’s a wonderful feeling when people give you importance. It’s very overwhelming that if we are not complete none of the plans will happen, I don’t know. I guess everything fall out the way I wanted it to be. All the laughter and the sadness that I felt are worth showing. I may not be fond of saying what I feel but I know in their hearts that they happy with me too. The way I am with them. So this is how it feels to have siblings huh! Someone’s looking for you when you are not around, someone checks on you when you don’t feel good, someone protects you, someone cheers you up when your down, someone trust you, someone shows you the right paths and someone who will make you feel that you’re not alone. For once, there will be no what ifs because everything has been fulfilled.

Friendship Never Ends....

It’s almost nine months since the powerhouse graduated. From then, there was never a day that I never think of them and there was never a day that I never miss them. The first few days were really hard for me. Especially when all the things I see at school reminds me of them. Seeing group of students hanging out at the Cafeteria and at the CSC make me smile and get envied knowing we used to be those students who spend most of our time at CSC and Cafeteria doing what we used to do, making fun at each others’ mistakes, telling our own stories and lastly criticizing professors and co-students. Laughing at Kuya Sonny’s criticisms, Ate Denise being always late at class and at our meetings, Ate Paola’s little patience and little eyes, and Ate Rezzelle’s meowmeow – these are the things that I really miss. I remember during my 18^th birthday party, Kuya Sonny told me that “You should find friends who will lead you the way we led you”. And that’s what I’m doing right now. They really taught me a lot of things.

Things I learned since the powerhouse graduated:

1. If a couple of strangers are destined to be friends, they are going to be friends.(Ate Den)

2. Parting ways doesn’t necessarily mean “GOODBYE”. Sometimes it is a test of knowing how strong your friendship is.

3. Keeping in touch is really important

4. Being the President of COMMARTS can make you grow insane.

5. Library and Webster has been my best friends.

6. Cafeteria is not that nice to hang out at (if I’m not with them).

7. Council Office is the much wanted place to hangout.

8. Powerhouse is unbreakable by time and distance.

9. Carbonara, Palabok, and Special Spaghetti are really the BEST.

10. Mr. Barrientos is THE BEST mentor and adviser.

11. One Tree Hill and Powerhouse is the same.

12. Being a tambay doesn’t necessarily make you Jologs (ate Den).

13. Compliment from the same professors they had is overwhelming.

14. They really give considerations to smart students.

15. Criticisms are oh so funny.

16. Karen, Paola, Rezelle, Sonny, and Denise are Friends “always and forever”

Sooper delayed..hahaha

Everyone is looking forward for Christmas since it is a season of love, sharing, and giving. Countdown is really normal which starts when the so-called “ber” months come in. Months had passed and December finally came and the countdown begins that really excites people more and more. Wish lists already ready and so are the food for the Noche Buena. Godparents start to play hide and seek to their godchildren. Haha! Just kidding (but in reality, and at some point I know, I’m right).

Christmas plays a big part on everybody since it’s the birthday of our Lord Jesus Christ. And since we’re talking about Jesus Christ, let me share you a story. I attended a mass last year, 20^th of December if I’m not mistaken, and the sermon really amazed me. The priest discussed about Christmas of course, but not “Christmas” the event but “Christmas” the word. He said that texting really influenced the people. Why? Because when we are texting we tend to shorten the words and when we get used to it, we almost apply it to our everyday living. So how does that relate to Christmas? Having got used to shortening words, we tend to apply it when we greet people through text, cards, emails, and gifts. We tend to write “Merry Xmas” which the priest said was very improper. Then the priest related it by talking about Mathematics; being “X” is an unknown variable – unknown meaning unfamiliar, strange, and so on. Therefore, when you use that in greeting someone, you tend to lose the real meaning of it, which is in the first six letters of the word, which is “Christ”. Amazing isn’t it? Honestly, I’m one of those people who tend to greet using the “Xmas” thing. Funny but true, thanks to my favorite priest, from then, I never tend to greet “Xmas”, since I never forget what he had told us during the mass.

chenez lang...

There is this t.v. show that touched my heart so much, from the very first season to the last, but the last season hasn't ended yet, and i hope that the "last" won't come anymore. Since the notion of "last" gives us the thinking of sadness, loneliness and of course an END.. it is like in my world, people enter and open the first chapter of my life, and then, after forming a story with me, it will fall to an end. We might never know the characters, but it is indeed usual that in every chapter and every season, new characters show. They all have different roles, but all of them, all the characteristics they have, can make changes in our life. Good or bad we'll never know, but what we all know, is that, whatever it is, it will help us grow not just as a person, but as a human being who has a great purpose in this world.